If I were A Mary Sue
by Tikvah Ariel
Summary: Adaption of songs from from vartious musicals dealing with the horriable plauge known as MarySue, the War against Voldermort, and some good old LJ fluff.
1. Fiddler on the Roof: If I were a MarySue

_If I were a Mary-sue_

_Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum._

_All day long I'd brush my hair_

_If I were a Mary-Sue_

_I would have all the boys_

_Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum_

_If I were a biddy biddy perfect_

_Yidle-diddle-didle-didle girl_

I have a beautiful name with syllables by the dozen

Right on the foreign student list

I'd come to Hogwarts and entrance the guys

With all the admirers plausible

The girls are green with envy

And a teachers pet as well as a prefect just for show

_I'd be friends with Harry and Ron and Draco and Oliver_

_Flaunting them around for the school to see_

_And each little kiss and hug and hand holding and wink_

_PDAs as obvious as a tree_

_As if to say "there is a Mary-Sue"_

If I were a Mary-sue

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

All day long I'd brush my hair

If I were a Mary-Sue

I would have all the boys

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum

If I were a biddy biddy perfect

Yidle-diddle-didle-didle girl

_I see my self, Mary-Sue, looking pretty as can be_

_With proper diamond jewelry_

_Flirting with boys to my heart's delight_

_I see me putting on airs and strutting like a peacock_

_Oy, what a happy mood I be in_

_Screaming at the girls day and night_

The most important officials would fawn on me

They would ask me to advise them

Like Merlin the Great

"If you please, Mary-Sue…"

"Pardon me, Mary-Sue…"

Posing problems that would cross Dumbledore's eyes

And it won't make a bit of difference if I answer right or wrong

When you're a Mary-Sue they really think you know

_If I were a Mary-Sue, I have time that I lack_

_To sit and do my make-up_

_Maybe have a seat at Teacher's table_

_And I'd snog the hottest boys several hours of the day_

_That would be the sweetest thing of all_

If I were a Mary-sue

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

All day long I'd brush my hair

If I were a Mary-Sue

I would have all the boys

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum

If I were a biddy biddy perfect

Yidle-diddle-didle-didle girl

**AN: This one is based off the song "If I were a rich man" from "Fiddler on the Roof" which is a musical/movie. All I have done is changed the lyrics to fit fanfiction.**


	2. FiddlerontheRooF: Headmaster, Headmaster

**Disclaimer: Anything you know is from FIddler on the Roof or Harry Potter

* * *

Harry:**

Well, somebody has to help me defeat Voldermort,

I can't do these things all by myself

**Hermione**:

He might try the killing curse-

**Harry**:

Some Cruciatusing-

**Hermione**-

And Bellatrix-

**Harry**:

_Maybe Malfoy-_

Headmaster, Headmaster,

Make me powerful,

Find me a way,

Catch me a curse

Headmaster, Headmaster,

Look through your pensive

And make me a perfect way

**Hermione**:

Headmaster, Headmaster,

I'll bring Harry,

You bring the weapon,

All destructive and un-willing to fail

Bring me an answer for I'm longing to be,

Free of all this destructive energy

**Harry**:

For Molly,

Make him not kill

**Hermione**:

For Sirius,

Let Bellatrix be dead

**Harry and Hermione**:

For me, well,

I wouldn't holler

If Voldermort were done and we lived in peace and harmony

_Headmaster, Headmaster,_

_Make me powerful,_

_Find me a way,_

_Catch me a curse_

_Night after night in this journey were alone_

_So find us a way_

_Of our own_

(spoken)

**Ron**:

Since when have you not found the way on your own Hermione? I thought you were too headstrong for help.

(Harry chuckles)

**Ron continued**:

And you managed to defeat him before!

**Harry**:

Well that was luck,

I won't get so lucky,

If he keeps killing off my friends

**Ron**:

You friends are still by you

And because you're the only one to save us

You'll take whatever Dumbledore offers

(Harry makes his robes purple imitating Dumbledore)

(singing)

**Harry**:

Harry, oh Harry

Have I a surprise for you!

There's a little prophecy,

Alright it's huge!

But I'm telling you now, a good choice, true?

True.

_I'll promise to assist you,_

_And even if I don't_

_There's more important things then winning-_

_Don't ask me what!_

Hermione, I found the head boy

Won't you be a fortunate girl

He's wonderful, he's good-looking

That is in the dark

But Draco is a nice man, good choice, right?

Right.

_You heard he hinder you in the war_

_That he insult you every night,_

_But only when he's sober,_

_So you'll be alright_

_Did you think you get Harry?_

_Well I do the best I can,_

_With no entertainment, no laughs, no pranks_

_Be glad you didn't get senior Malfoy_

**Hermione**:

Headmaster, Headmaster,

You know that I'm

Working very hard,

Please choose carefully,

**Harry**:

Up to this minute

I misunderstood,

That I could get killed for good

**Hermione and Harry**:

Dear Dumbledore,

See that you help,

Remember,

You also fought an evil wizard

Its not that

I'm sentimental

**Hermione and Harry and Ron**:

_It's just that I'm terrified!_

Headmaster, Headmaster,

Shelter me some more,

I'm in no rush

Maybe I've learned

Playing with wands

Can get loved ones burned

So,

Bring me no dark lord

Release me not yet,

Find me no danger,

Catch me no luck,

Unless we are all doomed

* * *

Author's Note: This lovely rendition was from Matchmaker, matchmaker from Fiddler on the roof. It was rather difficult thinking up an idea for this one and I like chapter one better. But this will do. I know I put Dumbledore in a bad position here, but I really do like him.

Memedesiquidditchmoke: I don't like logging in either! Thanks, I like the idea too. You finished when Mary Sues attack? I love that story.

Jersey Princess: Erm, I'm unfamiliar with the first two songs but I love the last one! So now your no longer the princess of Jersey, you're the princess of weird music. You just like titles! Thanks for reviewing though, this story and my other one!


	3. Fiddler on the Roof: Do you trust me?

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to this story

* * *

(James) 

"Lily, I have decided to give Sirius permission to become engaged to throw a karaoke night"

(Lily)

"What? He's a trouble maker, he has no responsibility, absolutely none!"

(James)

"He's a good guy, Lily

I like the idea, and what's more important is that the students like the idea. They love the idea

So what can we do?"

Do you trust me?

(Lily)

Do I what?

(James)

Do you trust me?

(Lily)

Do I trust you?

With our head duties wrapping up

And this trouble with Dark Lords

Your upset, your sore

Go inside, go lie down!

Maybe its indigestion

(James)

"Lily, I'm asking you a question…"

Do you trust me?

(Lily)

You're a fool

(James)

"I know,"

But do you trust me?

(Lily)

Do I trust you?

For seven years I've played quidditch with you

Tutored you in Charms, cleaned up your messes

Given you comfort, helped fight in the war

After seven years, why talk about trust right now?

(James)

Lily, the first day I met you

Was on the Hogwarts train

I was sacred

(Lily)

I was shy

(James)

I was nervous

(Lily)

So was I

(James)

But Remus and Sirius

Said we'd learn to like each other

And I'm asking you, Lily

Do you trust me?

(Lily)

I'm your girlfriend

(James)

"I know…"

But do you trust me?

(Lily)

Do I trust him?

For seven years I've lived with him

Fought him, cried with him

For several times my life was his

If that's not trust, then what is

(James)

Then you trust me?

(Lily)

I suppose I do

(James)

And I suppose I trust you too

(Both)

It doesn't change a thing

But even so

After seven years

Its nice to know

* * *

Author's Note: That was set to "Do you love me?" From fiddler on the roof, using characters in Harry Potter of course. I thought it was semi cute, I was going to do tradition, but I then I choose this instead. To those reading Braids and Boils, chapter four is re-written and it is just being edited. We have not dropped off the face of the Earth, yet.

**Quidditch Moke:** Yes, but if you don't log in then your review doesn't count towards the numbers. Thanks for the compliments, and I hope you and Peeves had fun! Play a prank on Rn for me, will ya?

**Jersey Princess:** I apperciate you reading both stories I write, its always nice. Anyways, you have to tell me who head boy is! Its driving me mad, while, Iwas laready insane, so I suppose its making me sane! Ahhhhhhhh! Nothing is worse then that. I love weird names too, but beyond that I like names with meanings. Ia m forever renaming my friends! I have one, who kind of has three personalities. They are named Swanne, Cornelia, and Maltilda, all from God's Concubine by Sara Douglass of course. Good book.

**Allie Kat:** I love the movie too! While, I'm Jewish so I suppose I would be bias. As for coming up with these things, in sections it is hard. But the first one was easy because I had it stuck in my head for a week and it wouldn't go away till I wrote it down. I love if I were a rich man as well! It is super awesome. Thanks for reading, and reviewing.


	4. Fiddler on the Roof: Pure Blood

Disclaimer: Sue me not, for I have nothing to be accused of!

* * *

**(Lucius)**

Pure-Blood! Pure-Blood! Pure-Blood!

Pure-Blood! Pure-Blood! Pure-Blood!

Who, day and night must kill off all the muggles,

Rid the World of dirty blood, act the Dark Lord's will?

And who as the right, as Voldermort's right hand,

To have the final word anywhere

The papa, The papa! Pure-blood!

The papa, The papa! Pure-blood!

**(Narcissa)**

Who must know the way to make a proper manor,

A strict home, a clean home?

Who must boss the house elves and keep up appearances,

So papa's free to kill the dirty bloods?

The mama, The mama! Pure-Blood!

The mama, The mama! Pure-Blood!

**(Draco)**

At eleven, I started Hogwarts. At 16 I learned to kill.

I hear I'm too become a Death Eater, I hope it doesn't hurt.

The son, The son! Pure-Blood!

The son, The son! Pure-Blood!

* * *

Author's Note: Two posts in a day? Impressive, I know. Anyways, this is extremely short partly because Draco doesn't have a sister, partly because the song is short, and partly because I am eager to move on. It is set to 'Tradition' from Fiddler on the roof. This is the last Fiddler on The Roof song in this fanfiction, the next four songs will be from a different movie, one of my favorites, that I can not disclose now. Points to whoever can guess it in a review though.

Jersey Princess: James and Liyl were heads too you know, who says history doesn't repeat itself? Thanks for the compliments and the review. The weird music is done, kind of, my next movie is a tad more main stream.


	5. Charlie & Chocolate Factory: Dark Lord

**Disclaimer**: Characters belong to JK Rowling, original song this is based off of is Candy Man seen in the musical Charlie and The Chocolate Factory

* * *

**Voldermort**:

Who can take a battle

And sprinkle it with curses

Cover it in blood

And an unforgivable or two?

The Dark Lord

The Dark Lord can

The Dark Lord can cause he mixes it with hate and makes evil taste good

Who can take a muggle

And wrap it ropes

Soak it in poison

And make it a new game

**Death Eaters**:

The Dark Lord?

**Voldermort**:

The Dark Lord

The Dark Lord can

The Dark Lord can cause he mixes it with hate and makes evil taste good

Lord Voldermort makes

Everything he does

Cunning and conniving

Talk about childhood fears

You'll be too afraid to peer

Who can take tomorrow

Dip in blood

Separate the joy

And collect up all the sorrow

The Dark Lord

**Death Eaters**:

Lord Voldermort can

**Voldermort**:

The Dark Lord can cause he mixes it with hate

And makes evil taste good

And Evil tastes good because the Dark Lord thinks it should

* * *

**Author's Note**: That was great fun, I can just imagine it happening, must be a parody or something. If you want to see the original lyrics google Charlie and The Chocolate factory lyrics.

**Jersey Princess**: I don't like Harry/Ginny either, people who go down that road never turn back. It's quite sad. So, I think I'll do four tracks from a musical before heading to the next one. I wonder what I can do next…


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